i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
