Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Couch. On fire.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
