I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
