Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
