I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
