I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
