She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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