Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
