Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
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