Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize