That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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