you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
