I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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