Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
