She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
