I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
