he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
