all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
