Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
