Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
