I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
