You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
