So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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