11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize