Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's never too late to be topless.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
