she woke up with a sticky ear
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
