Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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