Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
