she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
