making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
