Everything about him screamed your future.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A+ Viking dick
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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