Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
