Already got asked if we're dating
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if only i could text you this smell
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
