last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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