Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
