i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
