Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
