Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I believe in your delicious
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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