Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize