i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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