It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
