I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
