between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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