that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
