yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
