i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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