Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
