the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
