I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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