the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
