Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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