Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
