and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
