So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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