i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
