I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
