He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
