That's intense
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just found a bag of teeth...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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