Where is the hickey?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
