i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
