i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
