I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
