My brain says no but my pants say off.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
this is an emotional support booty call
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
