uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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