You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
