I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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