my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
