Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
