bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The Olympian is in my bed
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
