I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
