When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize