Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
