he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
