Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
