we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Drunk is a universal language darling
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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