It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
