I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
