He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
