I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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