Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
