everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
