He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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