I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
