im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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