come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
