i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
