your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Alive.
So much puke
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
