I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
