Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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