this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
