I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize