i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize