you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
