I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
