Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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