I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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