I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
