I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
