On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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