Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
pray to the hookup gods
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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